#13 Balancing Description and Action in Storytelling (Includes Short Story: "The Space Package" by M.L. White)

Episode 13 includes a journey into space! Sit back, relax and enjoy a short story by regular listener, M.L. White, who was inspired by the Exquisite Corpse:
 
“The pious wizard drifted across the universe with the eloquent courier.”
 
Next, a discussion about the tricky balance of description versus action, particularly in world-building fantasy; and how an experience in an oral storytelling workshop showed Anna Tizard how description can be used to deliberately alter the pace of a narrative where needed.
 
Finally, three new Exquisite Corpse games to generate new writing prompts, zanier than ever!
 
Pens at the ready! It's time to expand your imagination and be inspired to write.
Go to www.annatizard.com to send your Exquisite Corpse-inspired story ideas (or short stories), comment on the show and deliver words to The Socks of Destiny!

​SHOW TRANSCRIPTION (does not include Exquisite Corpse game play at the end):

Today, in Episode 13, I have a bumper show for you. First, we have a journey into space. Of course we do! It’s a new short story inspired by an Exquisite Corpse on this podcast, written and submitted to me by a regular listener – Mariah, who writes as M.L. White. You might recognise Mariah’s name as she’s one of the top contributors to the Exquisite Corpse game, which as usual, I’ll be playing in the end section of the show. But before that, Mariah’s story got me thinking about the balance of description and action in writing, and so I’ll be exploring that topic in the middle part of the show, including a funny experience I had in a storytelling workshop. 

Mariah’s story is inspired by an Exquisite Corpse result from episode 10 of Brainstoryum, “The pious wizard drifted across the universe with the eloquent courier.”

This is...

“The space package” by M.L. White

A comet flashed beneath the boat. Ellan looked at its sparkling tail, at the distant stars, then at the nearest galaxy, leaf-shaped, full of golden light, and put aside his paddle. In this part of the universe the energy would carry his boat, and the wizard could relax, meditate, read, sleep, do whatever he wanted, totally alone. Ellan loved that time when there was no one to ask him who he was, where he was going and why, or tell him about useless things.

Now, however, the wizard felt more nervous than usual. He looked around, as if hoping to find a clue to the problem he was striving to solve, but saw none. The most recent mystery was what or who, and for what purpose, created a weird energy field so powerful that it electrified a planetoid and would make it collapse on the Chaos Territory - a very populous area - despite the normal gravity force. Ellan had a chance to learn more but only if he sacrificed millions of lives. That was not an option. He transformed the strange energy into safe light and fixed the planetoid in its orbit. Now it was impossible to discover the center of the field; Ellan had searched the nearest areas and found nothing. Further, towards The Black Cloud, a dead planet caught his attention. There, Ellan sensed some kind of dark power, found a piece of rock that was the source of it, and was now on his way to the most secret place his order possessed so he could hide it, despite his tiredness.

From the first moment, the situation reminded the wizard of his only defeat. Back then, it was a moon falling onto its planet, and Ellan almost died, trying to save both. Since he learned the moon fell because an artifact created a gravity wave, the wizard began to consider any artifacts as dangerous. He would not be surprised to learn his cargo was to blame for the danger that was literally hanging above Chaotics’ heads. But whether or not it really was the artifact that created the problem with the planetoid, he had to put it in a place where it would be unable to cause damage. 

The wizard cast a glance down to his feet. On the bottom of the boat, wrapped in his old cloak, there lay a small black stone. Ellan surrounded it with his magic to hide it from creatures who could sense such things, for the stone emitted waves of bitterness. The magic worked: the cloak guarded the artifact like a dog, and the stone stayed powerless. The wizard told himself to forget about that menace until he would arrive. The hideout was one of the places Ellan loved, and the thought of it calmed him a little. It was a deep cave in a lonely planet, about two days’ boat-flight from here.

For now, Ellan could rest. No effort would increase the boat’s speed much in this part of space, anyway. A bright light of a wandering sun shone in his eyes, so it was impossible to sit straight and meditate. Nothing would make the wizard interrupt his meditation but now the universe was telling him not to go so far into his inner world. Ellan accepted it and found a more comfortable position.

Even so, his mind was still full of the recent events.

“There’s the whole order, and I can’t count on anyone,” he thought, clutching onto the edge of the boat as it lurched to one side. “Why are they so stubborn? I am the Wizard Supreme, and they don’t listen to what I say. Every child thinks they know the Code better than I do! They have no idea of the dangers hanging over us…”

He stopped and looked at the cargo suspiciously. The artifact might influence one’s mood and be the cause of his anger and nervousness, though Ellan had many other reasons to feel that way: he was responsible for the safety of the entire universe. Only the members of the order knew it. For anyone else he was just an old, almost powerless wizard. Many treated him with disrespect, and Ellan had to bear it all, as his true role was top secret. Other wizards seemed to forget what his post really meant. He travelled across space to control all the parts of the order, risked his life, saving galaxies and dimensions, and no one cared. Ellan had forgotten what it means to be at home and found that peaceful moments of being alone in the middle of space are the best to clear his thoughts and regain his strength.

Stars were shining everywhere around him, making his snowflake-shaped medallion glint. The boat drifted within the energy flow, swaying a little. Nothing promised a new catastrophe in the nearest future, and the wizard relaxed and cherished every moment of rest.

“Please, wait for me!” a weak voice came from behind. 

Ellan turned his head and saw a flaming bird, or something like it, seemingly tired. It tried to catch up with his boat but its wings moved slower and heavier with each second, its brightly coloured feathers growing dim.

The energy of the zone would not allow the wizard to create anything big like another boat. He thought about throwing a net but that seemed too rude and might hurt the being. Ellan stood up in his boat, spread his arms toward the energy flows, and started directing them to support the bird’s wings; however, the current was too strong. Ellan could not control it for longer and almost fell in his boat, exhausted.

The wizard looked back to where the bird desperately fought a side flow that drew it away from its course, and he frowned. His help was necessary. Ellan did not want to let a stranger onto his boat, especially because of the small but dangerous cargo lying in it, and searched for another way to help the creature. The energy flow hauled it further to a dark nebula where superwinds span around a forming star. Tired as it was, the bird would not be able to fly off once it got into that zone. With a wave of his hand, Ellan conjured a long rope and threw it to the creature. The bird grabbed it. Ellan pulled the rope, using magic to make it shorter, and helped the creature to get onto the boat.

“I am forever grateful,” said his unexpected companion, folding one wing than another. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m a space courier, my name is Paragus Adante.”

“You travel far, I see,” said Ellan.

“Yes. Unfortunately, this time it was in vain. I had a small package to deliver – and thank Sacred Flames it wasn’t heavy – to one of the most remote sectors. And the planet is empty. It is the emptiest place of all the empty places I’ve ever seen. I’m unable to get my mind around who would ask our company to deliver a package there.”

“So it will be returned to the person who sent it?” the wizard asked without interest, and at once got annoyed with himself for what seemed a meaningless nicety. Even so, his intuition nagged at him, that he needed to learn more about the package’s fate.

“No,” Paragus said plaintively, “the sender is unknown. Unless someone asks us, we can do nothing about it. It’ll probably get lost eventually, there are so many things to deliver…”

In silence, they watched gorgeous constellations moving past. A big planet came closer, strange spots appearing and disappearing on its surface. Ellan noticed that Paragus was excited, as if he travelled for the first time.

“I’ve worked for so long,” the courier said, “but the universe is a miracle!”

“It is”.

“May I ask you a personal question? How old are you?”

Ellan glanced at him.

“I’m the most ancient wizard in this universe. It’s barely older than me. I am the Keeper of the Code now, and it is a tiresome job at times like these”.

“The Code of the Wizards? I read about it when I was young! Why is it so difficult?”

Slightly annoyed by the questions, Ellan stood silent for a minute. He waved away an approaching asteroid and whispered a word, making it change its direction.

“Too many misunderstand the rules”, he answered finally. “My teachers did too. I had… some experience. It was a disaster, but it helped me see the truth. I cannot forsake it, and others do not want to learn anew what the Code means”.

Paragus waited for the wizard to say something else, but the wizard wished to be alone again as soon as possible. He sensed something odd about the courier and the whole situation though, on the surface of it, it didn’t seem particularly special. The sender could have just made a mistake with the address.

“I wonder what was in that package and why you found the planet empty”, Ellan said thoughtfully. “It is not my concern, yet I worry for some reasons unknown”.

“The wizard’s intuition!” Paragus gaped at him with respect and took his bag off his neck. “You can have a look at it. Normally, I would not let a stranger see what I carry… You are different. I hope I am not wrong”.

“Why is that attached to your bag?” Ellan asked, pointing with shock and disgust at several pendants tied together, each made of grey stone.

“It’s my lucky charm… actually, it helps me fly through dangerous areas.”

“Don’t you know that artifacts like this can drain you of energy?”

“I know”, Paragus said, “I heard legends and recognized it when I found it. I just couldn’t part with it. At first, it seemed to sap my energy, it was difficult to fly, but with time, it stopped feeling heavy. It’s like one of my feathers now. I fly faster and don’t feel so tired. I’m not a wizard but I think an artifact can change, or has more than one way to be used…”

With his permission, Ellan took the string of pendants and listened to his feelings. To his surprise, the artifact was rather pleasant to touch, it felt cozy and safe and was giving him the sense of being in a very beautiful place.

“You are not wrong”, Ellan returned the artifact. “It is absolutely safe now, you can continue using it. What changed it?”

“Honestly, I don’t know why it changed. I just carried it with me, whatever I did. It has been to lots of wonderful places with me and it always makes me feel calm and helps me find my way.”

The wizard nodded thoughtfully.

“A helpful artifact… Interesting.”

“Oh, I wanted to show you the package.”

The courier pulled from his backpack a small black box. Ellan touched it carefully. Nothing showed on the surface, no sign of what could be inside. The wizard opened it, and kind, warm light beamed onto their faces.
“It’s so beautiful”, Paragus whispered, looking at the shiny sphere with milliards of white, green, yellow, red, and blue tiny dots, circling within, in a complex order. “What is it?”

“This is a new universe”.

Ellan’s voice betrayed his foreboding about the sphere.

“I don’t understand...” said Paragus, perplexed. “We are in the universe!”

“One of them. This is… a future universe. If it becomes as big as it should within ours, they both will perish.”

“Then I cannot return with it. No one would know what to do with a whole universe… unless you do”.

“No,” said Ellan. “Take it and find another wizard from my order. Our temples are everywhere, you can easily find one. There’s always a bunch of wizards who can take care of it, choose anyone. Many of them will be happy to do what is right for it”.

“You cannot leave it,” objected Paragus. “A younger wizard could make a mistake - you would not. And you are, obviously, the only one who follows the right way with your Code. It is your destiny!”

Ellan gave him a surprised look.

“Your feathers are too bright for a simple courier. You have something important ahead…. Maybe you are right. Maybe. It needs space to grow. So, this is my new mission…”

Ellan did not say anything else, and Paragus was too shocked and intimidated to ask him what he intended to do. The courier left the boat at the edge of a misty zone, ready to fly again, and the wizard turned it to a destination known only to him with the future universe in his pocket. Ellan saw it was no accident that he’d found the black stone at this time. There was clearly more to artifacts than the Code could say.

Little did the wizard know that he’d have to change his opinion about the artifact drastically and use it very soon. 

(Copyright M.L. White, Twitter ID @Mariah94350720)
 
Wow. I really enjoyed that – and it all started with the Exquisite Corpse: “The pious wizard drifted across the universe with the eloquent courier.”

It feels like we’ve had a glimpse into a vast world, full of complex magic. And this, what we’ve just heard, is just the tip of the iceberg: a sparkly edge of something that’s actually much bigger. There’s so much world-building going on in the background of this story.

Well, to tell you a bit more about M.L. White, she writes high fantasy, though often doesn’t follow the usual tropes and chooses characters that go beyond these – for example, I know she’s been working on a story about a ghost elf who becomes a spirit of the forest.

As The Space Package has lots of world-building in it, when reviewing the first draft of this story, both Mariah and I had some head-scratching moments as to how much background detail should go in, and where. I’ve never written high fantasy, so I found it harder to know where to draw the line with descriptions than I usually would with, say, one of my own stories. I also didn’t want to interfere too much with someone else’s story, when I’m not professional editor preparing this for formal publication, so I wanted to listen to the high fantasy author.

As Mariah said afterwards, “Balancing description with action was really tricky, and from my experience with this story I can tell – (the issue is) not only about including too much description, it's also about lack of it sometimes. An author knows and understands what a reader doesn't, and where the writer doesn't need any description, the audience wants some.”

Well, considering English is Mariah’s second language and this is the third story she has ever drafted in English – I think you’ll agree with me, The Space Package is an astonishing achievement. Thank you so much, Mariah, for sharing the story!

If you’re interested in Mariah’s stories, she hasn’t yet set up her website, but you can find her on Twitter at @Mariah94350720. 

But now that we’re on the topic of description and how much to include, I want to talk a little bit more about this. As mentioned, I don’t have experience of writing high fantasy myself, or handling such a complex level of world-building. But the fact is, as writers, even of short stories, we all do a certain amount of world building. Even if our story is set in this world, or a magically enhanced version of this world, at the very least we need to know our characters and find a way to present - or at least hint at - a situation that has led to the current situation, where we’re at at the beginning of the story.

The reader may enjoy some background at the beginning but ultimately, we all want to get to the action as soon as possible, and the best way is to interweave that information into the action, and not take too many breaks from it. We have to make a decision: what information really needs to be in there – what’s vital for the reader to know? Or, what really enriches this story?

Of all the different types or techniques of writing you have, there’s action, description, sometimes you might have the thoughts of the character, like we did here, dialogue (again, there are some stories that manage without this, but it’s quite common to have some dialogue), and sometimes authorial comment, where the narrator steps in and says something without the characters knowing, like that bit at the end of Mariah’s story where I got to say, “Little did he know” – that’s an authorial comment.

Very broadly speaking, all of these types of writing or techniques can be divided into two main camps: description and action. Which camp they fall into, really depends on what a particular phrase or sentence achieves, though usually these elements are intertwined to some extent. Dialogue is usually closer to action, because unless the person is rambling on to themselves, or describing something in a lot of detail, dialogue tends to pick up the pace, and gives us a sense of movement and change. When the characters interact with each other, change is always happening, though perhaps at a subtle level. And change must happen in stories, otherwise, you’ll have a description of a moment – and that’s not a story. Maybe it’s a poem. It might be very beautiful – but without change it’s not a story. On the other hand, description is also really important, because it sort of beds us in to the story, helps us understand the characters, and enriches the action too, so we can imagine it more clearly – whether we’re being given visual images, sounds, sensations, even smells, to make the action vivid.

It’s this interaction between description and action – the interweaving of the two – that helps create the feel and the pace of the story. But there is something useful and striking when you try to separate the two and examine them in isolation.

I once went to a storytelling workshop, and this was an oral storytelling workshop, so I felt a bit out of my depth, without a pen in my hand. We did this weird exercise where the workshop leader told us a fairly simple story, about a city that locked its gates every night in fear of a giant that lived nearby. In the workshop, we were split into twos, and in each couple, one person had to start re-telling the story to the other. The storyteller had to try and stick to just describing things whenever the listeners yelled “Description!” or just telling the action whenever their partner said “Action!”. It was really difficult! And weird, and funny. Whenever I had to tell just the action, everything raced forward way too quickly. There wasn’t a lot I could say besides, “and then” the boy heard a sound outside his window, and he decided to leave the house without telling anyone, to go and see the giant. He shut the door behind him and started walking towards the gate.” It was turning into a list of things, and I was running out of story very fast!

But equally, when I had to just describe things without anything actually happening, that was really difficult too, but in a completely different way. “He shivered, hearing the echo of his feet on the stones. He looked up, frowning. He… I don’t know, scratched his head or something!” It was hard to keep coming up with things on the spot like that, while I was excruciatingly aware that the story had ground to a halt. Nothing was happening!

Of course, in writing and oral storytelling, we are constantly interweaving both description and action, even in a single sentence we’ll usually be done this – but this was a really interesting exercise to try, to separate the two as far as possible and see what happened. It increased my awareness of what the two elements do, separately, and in interplay.

One thing I’ve really come to appreciate, through that workshop and also through experience, is how you can affect the pace and sense of timing through carefully laid description. You can create a useful pause in your story, by inserting just a couple of sentences of description, a short paragraph. When you’ve just dropped a big event or life-shattering realisation on the character, or when you just feel that the character or the reader, needs a moment to digest what has just happened – you can give them that moment to catch their breath, by popping in a little bit of description that carries the atmosphere of what’s just happened, maybe even deepens it, and you can also weave in some thoughts of the main character so we are “with” them as they react to this. Description on its own slows things down, so it’s good to use it mindfully and carefully; to create a sense of pause where you think that’s needed, or suspense, because by holding back the action that little bit, you can maximise on the reader not yet knowing what’s going to happen next, and give hints and even false impressions of what might happen next. To sort of “be” in that moment of hesitation is to reflect on what is possible – what might happen next. Description can really enrich those moments, and ensure that they don’t pass by too quickly.

Well. Lots to think about! So get writing, and get interweaving!

But first, we need some story ideas. First we need… The Socks of Destiny!

Exquisite Corpse game play is not transposable... Please listen the last section of the show to enter a realm of deep silliness and inspiration!